How Long Will My Grief Last?
Grief is deeply personal and individualistic so its duration varies greatly from one person to another. There is no set timeline for grieving, and no two journeys through loss look the same. While some people may begin to feel a sense of adjustment within months, for others, it may take some time. The important thing to remember is that grief is not something to “get over” but rather something to travel through and integrate into your life at your own pace.
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The Rule of Thirds
Be Stubborn in Your Grief Journey: Do Things in Your Own Time and Way
Grief is one of the most personal experiences a person can go through. It doesn’t follow a timeline, a rulebook, or anyone else’s expectations. In a world that often pushes for quick healing and moving on, it’s important to be stubborn in your grief journey—to allow yourself to process loss in your own time and way.
8 Things to Try When the Grief Gets Intense
- Breathe. When we get tense, we tend to hold our breath or have short, shallow breaths. First, just notice that you are breathing and then try slowing it down, breathing more into your belly, and exhaling a little longer than you inhale.
- Move your body. This doesn’t have to be a sport (but it can be)—take a walk, do a push-up, dance, or try cleaning. It’s strange, but it can help!
- Express yourself. Write, draw, organize, listen to/play music, or anything else that lets you express yourself without having to talk to someone.
- Make room for whatever feelings are coming up. If you try to push them away, they will probably just push back harder. Feelings change and they won’t last forever. Grief has no timeline, but it really does change over time.
- Be kind—to yourself. Grievers tend to give themselves a really hard time for not doing grief right — whatever that “right” might be. Remind yourself you’re doing the best you can in the moment and that it’s okay you’re having a hard time.
- Be a good friend—to yourself. Experiment with telling yourself you can do this, even if you don’t know what you’re doing. You might be feeling emotions you’ve never had before or doing things in life for the first time and all of it is happening without the person who died. Take a moment to acknowledge how new and different this is and tell yourself, “Even if I’m overwhelmed right now, I will figure this out.” And then…
- Ask for help. We know, this one can be really hard and scary to do. Keep it simple and remember that people usually want to help, they are just waiting to be asked.
- Take time to celebrate whatever is going well. When you’re grieving it can be hard to make space for feeling good. You might feel guilty if you find yourself laughing or having a good time. Taking a break from grief doesn’t mean you love or miss the person any less.
With You Virtual Support Group
The With You Virtual Support Group meets the 3rd Tuesday of each month midday and in the evening via Zoom.
Visit our Grief Page for information on in-person groups and grief events in your local area.
Connecting with others who understand the pain of loss can be incredibly reassuring, helping individuals move forward with a sense of community and support.
