Common Phrases You May Hear:
“I know how you feel.”
“I know how you feel.”
While meant to be empathetic, this phrase can come across as dismissive. Every loss is unique, and even if they’ve experienced a similar loss, they can’t truly know exactly how another person feels.
What they are trying to say: “I can’t imagine how you’re feeling right now, but I’m here for you.”
“They’re in a better place.”
“They’re in a better place.”
This religious or spiritual sentiment might not align with your beliefs. Even if it does, it doesn’t negate the pain of the loss.
What they are trying to say: “I’m so sorry for your loss. [Name] meant so much to so many people.”
“Everything happens for a reason.”
“Everything happens for a reason.”
This platitude can seem to minimize your loss and imply that your pain is part of some greater plan, which can be hurtful.
What they are trying to say: “This must be so difficult. Is there anything I can do to support you?”
“You need to be strong.”
“You need to be strong.”
This puts unnecessary pressure on you to suppress your emotions.
What they are trying to say: “It’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling. I’m here to support you.”
“At least they lived a long life.”
“At least they lived a long life.”
While meant to provide perspective, this can make you feel like your grief is unjustified.
What they are trying to say: “They lived such a full life. Would you like to share some memories of them?”
“You’ll get over it in time.”
“You’ll get over it in time.”
Grief doesn’t have a timeline and suggesting that it does can make you feel rushed or abnormal if you’re still struggling after a certain period.
What they are trying to say: “Grief is a process, and everyone experiences it differently. Take all the time you need.”
“Call me if you need anything.”
“Call me if you need anything.”
While well-intentioned, this puts the onus on you to reach out, which you may not have the energy to do.
What they are trying to say: “I’m going to drop off a meal for you on Tuesday. Is there a good time for me to come by?”
“Look on the bright side…”
“Look on the bright side…”
Trying to find a silver lining can seem insensitive and dismissive of your pain.
What they are trying to say: “This must be incredibly hard. I’m here to listen whenever you want to talk.”
“You should…” or “You will…”
“You should…” or “You will…”
Giving unsolicited advice or making predictions about how they think you should feel can be presumptuous and unhelpful.
What they are trying to say: “Everyone grieves differently. How can I best support you right now?”
