Rediscovering Light: Anticipatory Joy

It’s Okay to Dream Again

When someone we love dies, it can feel like all the dreams we held for the future are gone too. But grieving doesn’t mean you have to stop imagining possibilities or looking forward to life’s moments of beauty. Dreaming is not a betrayal of your loved one’s memory. In fact, reconnecting with your hopes and goals can be a way of honoring them and the lessons they brought to your life. Anticipatory joy might start small. You might begin by looking forward to simple pleasures—a favorite meal, a walk in the sunshine, an old hobby, or a quiet evening with a good book. Over time, you may find yourself daring to dream bigger: planning trips, pursuing new hobbies, or reconnecting with old passions. Each step forward helps you rebuild a sense of purpose and possibility.

Permission to Feel Positive Emotions (Without Guilt)

Grieving is not an all-or-nothing experience. You can miss your loved one deeply and still find moments of laughter, peace, and hope. These emotions are not a sign that you have “moved on” or forgotten them—they are a sign that you are alive, healing, and learning to carry your loss in a way that allows you to keep living. It’s common to feel guilt when positive emotions arise during grief. You may think, How can I feel happy when they’re gone? or Do I even deserve joy? But it’s important to remember that your loved one likely wouldn’t want you to live in sorrow forever. Joy doesn’t erase your grief or love for them—it adds to the fullness of your healing. Allow yourself to embrace happiness as a way to honor the life you’re still living.

Looking Forward to Joy Again

Anticipatory joy doesn’t require ignoring your grief. Instead, it’s about making space for hope and happiness alongside your pain. It might start with something as simple as marking a date on the calendar for an outing or event you’re looking forward to. As you practice looking forward to joyful moments, you may find your capacity for hope growing.

If you struggle with imagining joy again, ask yourself these questions:

What brought me joy before my loss? Could I reconnect with those activities or experiences?
What new experiences could I try? Sometimes grief opens the door to exploring parts of yourself you’ve never considered before.
What would my loved one want for me? Often, imagining their desire for your happiness can help you feel permission to embrace it.

Anticipation, Appreciation, and the Impact on Our Mood

As someone once said, “If gratitude is appreciation for the present, anticipation is appreciation for what you are looking forward to in the future.”

Anticipation often involves looking forward to something positive or exciting, creating a sense of excitement, joy, and even hope before the event occurs. This feeling can enhance our overall well-being. The mere thought of something positive on the horizon can elevate our mood and enhance our outlook on life.

For example, anticipating a joyful event, like a vacation, a celebration, or a reunion with loved ones, can lead to feelings of excitement and happiness. The event does not have to be major. It can be planning to see a movie of interest or having lunch with a friend who lets you be your true self. With anticipation, the brain often releases dopamine, a “feel-good” chemical. This chemical not only enhances our mood but also motivates us to pursue the anticipated event. The anticipation itself can be as rewarding as the actual experience, leading to a cycle of upbeat feelings and even joy.

Benefits of Anticipation

Boosts Mood and Reduces Stress: Encountering your brain’s naturally occurring feel-good chemicals can help elevate your mood and decrease stress levels.
Improves Motivation: Anticipation can help propel you forward, encouraging you to take action on tasks that might otherwise feel overwhelming.
Encourages Mindfulness and Presence: When we focus on the joy of what’s to come, we cultivate an appreciation for the present moment, savoring the journey as well as the destination.
Strengthens Social Connections: Anticipating joyful experiences with others can enhance relationships and create a collective sense of joy and connection, especially in a season of grief.
Provides a Coping Mechanism: Looking forward to future joys can provide comfort and motivation, helping us navigate through difficult times with a more positive mindset.
Fosters Appreciation: Anticipation can lead to appreciation, reminding us of the good things past, present, and future.

Cultivating Anticipatory Joy

Our challenge for you is to identify something to look forward to at least a few times a month. Then, after these events, take time to sit, remember, and savor the positive moments, filling up your emotional bank account. By allowing yourself to dream, plan, and feel joy, you are giving yourself permission to heal.

Life after loss will be different, but it can still be full of meaningful and joyful moments. As you take steps toward rediscovering anticipatory joy, be patient and gentle with yourself. Healing isn’t linear, and it’s okay to feel a mix of emotions. With time, you can find a way to honor your grief while also embracing the possibilities of the future.